


I still find myself falling asleep with you on my mind

by andi_yannydandylion



Category: Destinatural, Supernatural
Genre: 15.20 didn't happen, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Bisexual Character, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Claire Novak's Parents, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Castiels death, Dreams vs. Reality, Fix-It of Sorts, Homophobic John Winchester, Hospitals, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Dean Winchester, I havent watched season 13-15 so idk whats going on so im winging it, Jack is nonbinary, Lore - Freeform, M/M, The Empty (Supernatural), This took me 7hrs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 03:34:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30099672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andi_yannydandylion/pseuds/andi_yannydandylion
Summary: Dean needs to wake up, he needs to stop dreaming.15.18-20 fix it fix of sorts. It took me seven hours to write because of fuck so please read it I promise its not that bad.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 8





	I still find myself falling asleep with you on my mind

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave any feedback just don't be dicks about it I really want actual feedback so yeah Thanks.

_I still find myself falling asleep with you on my mind_ _  
_ _  
_ Three months, that’s how long it’s been. They’ve defeated Chuck, things in heaven are settling down, it’s mostly regular boring monster hunts, and Cas, Cas is still gone. Jack said there was not much he could do to bring him back the Empty made sure about that. Sam and Eileen decided to move on with their lives and left the bunker.  
  
Telling Claire that Cas was gone was the harders thing Dean has had to do since his death. He didn’t know what to do while telling her. He broke down into tears multiple times trying to explain what happened to him. At one point he started panicking and ended up getting hugged by the 23-year-old. That’s how they ended up sitting down in the library staring at their laps in comfortable silence.  
  
“Claire?” Dean looks up and looks at Claire with dry tears. “Can we talk about somethin’?”  
  
“Whats up Dean?” Claire sniffles and looks up and gives Dean her full attention.  
  
“I’m Bisexual an-,” he paused stopped himself and bit the back of his knuckle and took a deep breath.”And I think I was in love with him,”  
  
Claire started laughing quietly and look at Dean with a pained smile. “You think?” Her slow low laughter quickly turned into something loud, happy, and breathy. “Really? It took you this long to realize that Dean?” Claire stops laughing, she grabs his hand sitting on his knee, “You really are an old man Dean.”  
  
Dean slaps her hand away in a playful manner, he looks up smiles small. “You don’t have a problem with it?”  
  
“Why would I? Castiel loved you anyone who was around you two could tell that.”  
  
“It’s okay that I’m Bi then?” He looks at her and sees that she went a bit serious.  
  
“Dean, I’m a lesbian,” she paused to gather her thought. “I mean women are amazing and the peak of humanity but like men are okay I guess,” Claire started laughing at her own statement, she was trying to stop laughing so she could finish speaking. “Theirs nothing wrong with liking men, women, and everything in between.”  
  
They fall into a comfortable silence. At some point, Claire yawns and gets up to leave and go to bed because she had to leave early in the morning.  
  
Dean stayed in the library and fell into thought. He felt as if he had finally done something good since Castiel’s death. He felt a weight leave his body the moment those words came out of his mouth. He could finally just feel like he had a bit of peace in himself. He felt that the least he could do was make sure he didn’t hide a big part of him, he had to do it for Cas. He could no longer be afraid of John and what he would do to him. He couldn’t let John keep having a hold on him anymore, he had to live and keep living for Cas.

* * *

Dean was standing in the barn that he so long ago had first met Castiel. Who knew that the Angel with the stick up his ass would become such a big part of his life, who knew Dean would slowly fall in love with him. He looks around looking for anything but it’s just the same scene from 12 years.  
  
Suddenly the scene starts moving and Dean picks up his dagger and is getting ready for an attack. Suddenly the front doors fly open just like they did so long ago.  
  
Cas walks in and the doors go flying, Dean is standing there in shock. Suddenly a bang is heard and quickly the things is walking towards dean. He reacts quickly and sinks the weapon into the human-looking thing. Dean is in shock looking at the knife not even making the thing blink. He watches as the Black hair blue-eyed monster takes the knife out and takes out Bobby so quickly that if you would have blinked you would have missed it.  
  
He looks down at Dean’s paralyzed hand then back up at him and takes out his hand “Take my hand,” the man stares at him with an intense look waiting for his movement as if he did not would disappear into the mist of night.  
  
Dean looked at the monster’s eyes and hesitated. He wasn’t afraid, he didn’t know why he felt like he could trust it with Sams very life.  
  
The monster saw Dean’s hesitation and smiled “Just trust me,” it spoke with an edge of urgency.  
  
Dean didn’t hesitate and quickly grabbed the monster’s arm and looked up into its blue eye. Quickly the scene changes to the night where Dean lost Cas. Dean is once again sitting against the wall holding his hands in his lap in confusion this time instead of pain and fear. He looked up ready to have to watch Castiel be taken by the black goop that is the empty. But instead, Cas is kneeling in front of Dean extending an arm as an offer to Dean. Dean grabs onto his hand and lets Cas pull him up, he looks up and at the intertwined hands and lets out a small whimper. He quickly lets go of Castiels hand, pulls him into a crushing hug, and lets tears fall quickly from his green eyes.  
  
“Ca-Cas how-how are you? What? How? Wait!” Dean stutters then quickly speak not finishing the word before moving onto the next one. Dean pulls away and grabs Cas by the hand. “I have something to tell you,” he lets the word pour out his mouth before he realized what he was saying.  
  
Castiel rests his palm over Dean’s shoulder in a calming manner and pulls his arm forward picking up Dean’s fallen head and looks at him. “I know Dean,” Cas spoke softly looking at Dean as if he was the best thing to ever have caught his eye. _“As much as I’ve been waiting for you to admit your feelings for years I-_ ” Castiel paused and takes a deep breath, “We need to talk Dean.”  
  
Dean looked into Castiels blue eyes and nodded quickly letting go of his hand and not even a second did his eyes leave Cas. 

“Dean, Jack manages to wake me and the others who are in here. I don’t have enough time until the empty appears and makes this stop. Theirs a way to get us out without having to do anything that would cost a lot.” Cas takes a deep breath and looks into the soul of the righteous man that he had fallen for so long ago. “You have to manifest it, it’s the only wa-” before Castiel could finish a familiar black blob appeared as it did last time. Cas hung to shoulder looked into Dean’s eyes and then pushed him aside just like the first time.  
  
_“Wait, don’t pull away… Not yet,”_ Dean manages to cry out before Castiel is fully taken by the empty again. And just like last time, he was left alone sitting against the same wall. Alone and filled with regret once again as he tucked his tail and coward out from telling Cas that he loved him.  
  
Before he could start feeling pained like last time he woke up in a cold sweat trying to understand what he just dreamt about. He threw off the blankets and look to his side to see that it was 11 am already. He had overslept and was going to be late to the interview he had to manage to snatch up for the local Fire Department as a trainee. He quickly threw on his clothes for the interview and thought it threw quickly. He would go to the interview and then he would come back to think through what just happen in his sleeping state.

* * *

Dean would end up calling Sam some times later asking him if he knew anything about manifesting. Sam kept asking why but Dean kept insisting that it was something to do with a witch that he was hunting and Sam finally gave in and told Dean everything he knew about manifesting and lore he could look into. Afterward, Dean told Sam about how he got the interview with the Fire Station and how this witch hunt would most likely be his last before he left the game for good.  
  
Two weeks went and Dean started to lose hope. He started thinking that the dream was simply that, a dream. Dean started researching on his phone to see if there was something he could be doing wrong. After scrolling for about 32 minutes he then abandons the phone on the table, he went into the library to look into the books Sam told him to look into. He reads through book after book until one certain passage caught his eye. To be specific it was a note he guessed Sam had left when going through the lore.  
  
_Donatello states Nick used a version of this spell_ _  
_ _to bring back Lucifer from the Empty._ _  
_ _The Manifestation must be done by someone close_ _  
_ _to the angel/demon who is trying to_ _  
_ _be brought back._ _  
_ _-Blood of the vessel_ _  
_ _-Blood of a celestial_ _  
_ _-Brought together by the incantation_ _  
_ _-Set on fire_ _  
_  
Dean re-reads the entire page over and over again until he thought he fully understood what had to be done to bring back Cas from the Empty. He got up after finishing reading the books and went into the storage where he knew there was a vile of Jack’s blood and then went into the garage where he knew Castiels trench coat was sitting in the back seat in his duffel bag. He opened the door, grabbed the bag, and took out Cas’s coat, and just held it for a couple of seconds trying to feel Castiel’s touch on his shoulder one last time.  
  
He walked into an empty bedroom, pushed the bed and other furniture into the corner of the bedroom. He made a salt circle, dropped the dry blood into the bowl, poured Jack’s blood in, and made a cut on his palm, he watched as the blood of his palm fell into the bowl. He had felt as if a sense of hope had returned to him since Castiels death.  
  
He slid the match against the box and let it drop into the bowl, he began chanting, “Qui dormiunt, sad dominum formosum. Nexus noster, restitutus est. Surgas ex abysso, in lumine existas!”  
  
He began thinking and hoping that Cas would come back, that this would work. He stared into the fire, slowly it started going out and nothing had happened. No black blob showed up like Sam wrote down into his notes.  
  
Nothing  
  
Absolutely nothing  
  
Dean felt his knees buckle and before he could react he fell to his knees trying to grab onto the stan with the bowl making everything fall. He heard the clank of the bowl he could feel the blood in his vein pump hard. His heartfelt as if it was going to jump out of his chest he started to choke on the air, Dean couldn’t breathe. His lungs tried to bring in oxygen but they couldn’t, they were failing him.  
  
_Panic Attack_  
  
Sam had talked about them before. Dean remembered Sam said to try to breathe but that wasn’t working so he tried grounding himself. He looked at the things around him, he tried naming them he started calming a bit but then a shake went through his body and a tremor of pain went through his body making him fall forward and losing his consciousness.

* * *

Dean felt warm he felt safe. He rolled over only to come face to face with the blue eye angel. He didn’t care he scooted closer to Cas, if this was a dream dean was fine with it. Then it hit him. This didn’t feel like a dream, he was in his bed next to Cas. Cas had his arm over him. This wasn’t a dream. It hit him he quickly jumped out of the bed and tripped on his leg leading to him falling next to the bed.  
  
“Come back to bed, please.” Cas stretched out his arm searching for the warmth that was Dean but resorted to just pulling the comforter tighter to himself. “Dean? Are you okay?” Cas pulls down the blanket a tad bit to look at Dean sitting on the floor with a face of shock and confusion.  
  
“Cas?” Dean looks at Cas no knowing what to think. “ Wha-what are you, how a-are you?” He manages to stutters out.  
  
Cas looks down at him with one close eye, “Did you go to sleep drunk last night?”  
  
They both look at each other, Dean was confused and Cas was just slightly tired. He only cared to get Dean back into bed so he could get some sleep. Dean hesitated for a second before pulling himself up and crawled back into bed. Cas hummed in a sleepy win as he felt Dean’s body warmth back. Before Dean could get comfortable Castiel grabs him by the waist and pulls him in. Dean freezes for a second before slowly falling deeper and deeper into Castiels body warmth draped behind him. Cas began to draw circles into Dean’s hair to lul him back into sleep.  
  
_“How did I manage to get you?”_ Cas quietly murmurs into Dean’s ear and nuzzles his head into his neck.  
  
Dean was too far into his Hypnos realm to really hear what Cas had just said, he simply nodded and fell deeper into sleep.

* * *

Dean woke to Cas shuffling out of bed. He was still far down into sleep that it hadn’t hit him that Cas was just cuddling him. It took a couple of seconds before he realized Cas was just sleeping in the same bed as him. Once it hit him he quickly climbed out of bed and looked at Cas who just barely walked out of the bedroom. He put on his sock and went after Cas. He ended up finding him in the kitchen holding a cup of coffee up to his lips.  
  
Green eyes met blue and suddenly Dean couldn’t breathe again. Dean froze and just stared at Cas trying to even out his breathing. Cas didn’t move he just kept sipping his coffee.  
  
“Are you alright Dean?” Castiel’s words shocked Dean back into reality.

  
He stared at Cas for a couple of seconds more and made his way closer to him until he was in front of him. He stopped when he was only a few inches away from Castiel. He held his breath and then pulled Cas into a desperate bone-crushing embrace.  
  
_“I don’t know if you know this but, I love you,”_ Dean states as he lets go of Cas a bit.  
  
“Shut up and hold me,” was the only thing that came out of Cas.  
  
Dean held Cas a little longer, but then he pulled away and prepared to say something but was stopped by Cas. “You remember don’t you?”  
  
Dean nods hoping they’re talking about the same thing.  
“After you manifested me from the Empty Jack, they well they thought it would be a better idea to make it seem like the Empty never happen. I guess Jack thought it would be better if you knew what happened,” Castiel explained trying to form his words properly.  
  
“What happened after I blacked out?”  
  
Cas hesitated but then looked up at Dean, ”You had a panic attack, then Jack appeared grabbed me, and quickly took my grace so the Empty wouldn’t get me again.” Cas paused, trying to form the correct words to put into sentences, “Then the next thing I know I’m lying in bed with you tucked into my side and memories that hadn’t been there before.”  
  
They stood there in silence holding each other until Cas shifts a bit and whispers. “Dean, you need to wake up,” Dean stiffs against Cas and tries to pull away. _“I wish we didn’t, but we have to say goodbye.”  
__  
_ Dean looks up and has tears forming at the corner of his eyes, “Am I dreaming?”  
  
Cas lifts Dean’s chin and smiles at him like he’s the most beautiful thing in the world. “Yes,” Cas keeps his smile and lets a couple of tears fall his small smile crumbled a bit.  
  
_“I don’t want to wake up,”_ Dean cried into Castiels shoulder.  
  
_“Dean you need to come home.”  
_  
“It’s not home if you arent going to be there,” Dean spoke softly, letting himself fall deeper into Castiels embrace.  
  
Cas stayed silent for a couple of seconds but then patted Dean’s shoulder as a sign to lift his head up. _“I didn’t think it was possible to love someone as much as I love you, Dean.”  
_  
Dean smiled down at Cas and just let more teats fall, _“Please just hold me, Angel.”  
_  
Cas held onto Dean until the righteous man stopped sniffling into his shoulder, “I’m sorry Dean.” The room around them began fading away. The last thing heard in the fading of the scene was Cas saying _‘But still beautiful, still Dean Winchester.’_

* * *

Dean opens his eyes to a bright light hitting his face. He blinked a couple of times before he was finally able to bring the room he was in, into focus. The first thing he realized was Sam was laying on a bench by the window side. He looked around and saw a regular hospital bed. His thoughts were quickly interrupted when the door to the room was opened and in came Castiel.  
  
Dean shook his head and rubbed his eyes to make sure that what he was seeing was true. He pinched his arm to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.  
  
“Are you feeling alright Dean?” The former Angel of the Lord spoke and he did the little head tilt that he does when he’s confused.  
  
Dean sat up too shock to say anything, it felt like it was just another dream. That if he spoke or moved everything would fade away and he would lose Cas again. He stared at Cas and waited for everything to fade, and when it didn’t he was confident this was real. He smiled and took a deep breath.  
  
_“I love seeing when you smile,”_ Cas tilted his head and smiled down at Dean. Cas walked closer to Dean and sat on the end edge of the bed. “Are you alright Dean?”  
  
Dean looks at Cas, he really looks at Cas. He looks at the deep colour of his eyes, the stories they could tell. He looks at the wrinkles places all over his face giving him a look that made him an entirely different person than Jimmy was. He so desperately wanted this to be a reality, for this not to be a dream.

“It’s yo-” Dean stops himself and takes a deep breath, “It’s you Cas, it’s always been you,” Dean spoke carefully.  
  
Dean held his breath until it felt like he was going to pass out, Cas kept trying to make eye contact with Dean but he kept his head down and didn’t even budge.  
  
Cas scooted closer and leaned his head against Deans, “The First time I saw you, I couldn’t get over how beautiful you were.”  
  
Dean let his head hang more, he was trying to hide his blush from Cas but it didn’t go unnoticed.  
  
“You had a close call,” Cas paused and pulled back a bit trying to get Dean to look up at him, “Jack he got us out of the Empty, I managed to get to you and Sam on time.” He paused and tried again to get Dean to look at him, “You really thought I would let you die by the hands of s bunch of stupid Vampires?”  
  
Dean finally meets Castiels eyes and just keeps eye contact, “You mean this is real?”  
  
“Yes Dean this is real,” Cas gives a half-smile with an expression that Dean could only describe as one of love.  
  
“Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t plan on doing that,” Dean smiles at Cas and doesn’t stop. He slowly leans in and kisses Cas.  
  
If this was just another dream he was fine with it. He got Cas that's all that matter to him at the moment  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please leave any feedback just don't be dicks about it I really want actual feedback so yeah Thanks.


End file.
